letting go

Many of us have done this. Moved house and moved again, stacking and storing our possession in boxes and never getting them out. Truth be told, I’ve been carrying around several boxes for years and haven’t needed a single thing out of them. It was like a stacked pile of procrastination with things I’d either forgotten about or didn’t know what to do with. I was obviously attached to these possessions in some way.

For months I contemplated how I should tackle the boxes. I wanted to complete the KonMari method of discarding anything that does not bring me joy. It was going to be a cleansing of the soul. I had no idea how long it was going to take or which emotions would be brought up from the deep.

The day I was fed up thinking about it was the day I got started. The process was going really well and I was able to sort the items into piles of garbage, charity bin, sell and keep. It wasn’t until the moment I recognised the fairy that everything changed.

I felt a sudden pang of sadness. As I began to slowly unwrap her from the tissue paper the flashbacks started to flood in. That day I saw her in the South Australian store on a road trip, I knew I had to have her. To me, she symbolised independence, freedom, individuality and in some strange way, loneliness. She was beautiful.

Now that she’s fully uncovered I’m reminded why she was packed away. Back in the day she had magnificent wings. So big that it seemed they would carry her effortlessly anywhere she wanted to go. The day her wings got broken, due to someone not caring for her as much as I did, almost matched the time I began to fall apart. Although there was an attempt to repair her she was never the same again. She never fully recovered.

I hold her in my hands. I cry. I feel sad. She was so beautiful. My heart bleeds. I remain here for a while. Probably a long while as everything around me seemed to just stand still. I felt everything. All the good and the bad. The mental images and flashbacks were in colour and then started disappearing, fading into black and white. It’s at this moment I know I have to thank the universe for letting me have her for a small part of my life.

Regaining my existence with the here and now I appreciate that I am unable to hang onto these feelings any longer. It’s time to let her go. To say good bye. It’s time to find those wings again and fly.

bgadke77 ♥

** Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash

hanging fairy