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One year on

written by a dear friend and mother – Allyson

Cancer is not something you ever want to watch anyone go through. The reality is, it is very traumatising for everyone. I only shared the negative experiences with a couple of people but I feel it is important to let others know what the children and families have to go through.

Today is 12 month’s cancer free for Kate – Yay! Go Kate! I feel good about it however leading up to this day I did not. At first I imagined this would be a time of feeling proud, elation, joy, relief, but it isn’t. I found it depressing, upsetting and traumatising as I remember everything Kate went through. Desatting, tachycardic, vomiting, nausea, epidural, central line, drains, arterial line and many more crappy words I wish I never knew about. Watching a little girl refusing to move for days, refusing to walk, refusing to talk, before asking “Mum, what is wrong with me now?”.

You are forced to smile through the tears as you watch your child in pain begging not to be moved. Watch your child scream in discomfort. Watch your child sob as she begs her surgeon not to put in a central line or drain. Holding her down as nurses insert an NG tube while she screams and vomits in fear and discomfort. My daughter at 6 years old, sobs and says to me, “I hate my life”. You kiss her on the head choking back tears and tell her, “no, you don’t”.

This is what 12 months cancer free feels like for this mother. When the cancer is gone your life does not return to normal. It doesn’t just switch back to how it used to be. We may have beaten the cancer but now we have a new challenge. Recovering from the traumatising experience and accepting the lifelong conditions it has left Kate with.

Do not ever forget the people and their families that have beaten cancer. They may have won one battle but they possibly are now having to deal with another.

written by a dear friend and mother – Allyson


Published inF & F Blog