Skip to content

One year on

written by a dear friend and mother – Allyson

I was unsure whether or not to put this on social media as it is quite personal, but after thinking about it I decided to.

Cancer is not something you ever want to watch anyone go through, the reality is it is very traumatising for everyone involved. I have only ever shared the negative experiences with a couple of people but I feel it is important to let people know what these children have to go through.

Today is 12 months cancer free for Kate (Yay! Go Kate!) & today I feel good about it but leading up to this day I did not.

Kate, one year on
Kate, one year on

At first I imagined this would be a time of feeling proud, elation, joy, relief, but it is not. I found it depressing, upsetting & traumatising as I remember everything Kate went through.

Desatting, tachycardic, vomiting, nausea, epidural, central line, drains, arterial line, and many more crappy words I wish I never knew about.

Watching a little girl refusing to move for days, refusing to walk, refusing to talk, before asking “Mum, what is wrong with me now?”

You are forced to smile through the tears as you watch your child in pain, begging not to be moved, watch your child scream in discomfort, watch your child sob as she asks her surgeon not to put in a central line or drain. Holding her down as nurses insert an NG tube while she screams & vomits in fear and discomfort, then while your 6 year old daughter sobs she says to you “I hate my life”, you kiss her on the head choking back tears and tell her “no you don’t”.

This is what 12 months cancer free feels like for this mother.

And when the cancer is gone, your life doesn’t return to normal, it doesn’t just switch back to how it used to be. We may have beaten the cancer but now we have a new challenge, to recover from this traumatising experience and accept the lifelong conditions it has left Kate with.

Don’t forget the people and their families that have beaten cancer, they may have won one battle but they possibly now have another.

written by a dear friend and mother – Allyson


Published inFear and Fortitude